03 September 2006
Yeah, this is long and rambling
Get over it. Either buckle up and settle in, or click on by. I really need to learn how to do that "read more here" thing.

When I was talking with my mom today, she told me that Ewan*, who used to be a close friend of the family, died of a stroke this past week. I've got very mixed feelings about this news. Ewan and my mom were in business together at one point, and I'd known him from a seriously young age. But most of my memories of him range from bittersweet to negative.

One time he picked me up from school and our report cards had come in that day. I hadn't done that well and he talked me into saying "Do you want fries with that?" as I handed it to my mom. I was in 5th grade. It was funny at the time but now I see how fucked up it was.

One summer, he, my mom and I were on a three week road trip through the West. In South Dakota, the maltese puppy he worshiped upped and died and Ewan was torn up about it. He was devastated, he even had an autopsy on the dog to find out what happened. The next day he sees a sign for a puppy breeder and stops. They don't have any maltese, but they have pomeranians and he shells out the money. Even that I kinda understand, wanting another dog to ease the pain. But then the next day, he sees a sign for another breeder and buys a maltese. And proceeds to totally ignore the first puppy. I named that pom, I loved it, I took care of it and I have no idea what ended up happening to him. He was such a sweet pup.

He ran a gay porn ring involving Marines. Definitely negative, though amusing in the scandal factor.

This falls under bittersweet, but he would spend a ton of money on presents for me but just not get it quite right. One Christmas he got me Red Door perfume. I was 13 and it's a very musky, sexy scent.

One night, he was exercising that rapier wit on me. I'm pretty sure it involved my weight and my desire for ice cream after a meal. (I was 12.) I complained and he said that if I didn't like it, I could leave. My mother, who'd been finding the exchange hilarious, agreed. So I left the dinner table and went out to our car. My mom was furious and I got in trouble. Another negative.

But I never wanted him to be dead. He had his good qualities too. He was always incredibly loyal to his friends, he was a trivia and peanuckle master and he always tried so hard. I don't think it was his fault that he had no idea how to interact with a kid. And he always seemed so unfulfilled. Like he was searching for something and yet, with all the things he dabbled in, he never found it. It's been years since I'd seen him and I always hoped he'd found that "thing." But I don't think he did. And now he's dead.

God, how fucking sad.



*Name changed to protect the not-so-innocent.


3 Comments:

Blogger Rhianna said...

Sorry to hear that. I understand the "torn" feelings, too.

Blogger Household6 said...

Sorry to hear about the loss.

Anonymous MsFreud said...

Aww... Sorry for your loss, sweetie...
Seriously, tho- Gay Marine Corps Porn? Your childhood people are by far more colorful than mine.
Hope you feel better!

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